shit that is out of control, first day of the semester edition
i wake up this morning at 8 o’clock so i could shake out the cobwebs and eat dino nugz before my 9 a.m. class. professor wheatley lets us out early, so i go home and take a nap around 9:45. i proceed to dream about capri sun. but this was no ordinary capri sun. this capri sun was…
NEVER-ENDING. NEVER-ENDING PACIFIC COOLER CAPRI SUN. and so i drank this never-ending capri sun, squeezing it and squeezing it to get the last drops out of the pouch, but the juice kept flowing out of the straw at full stream. and i kept drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and then i woke up.
and holy fuck i’m 20 minutes late to the panther.
so i jump out of bed, throw on some pants and run to the basement of the library. i show up and none of the editors are there. my adviser, susan paterno, introduces me to the new staff members.
s: “i bet you’re wondering where is everyone.”
a: “where is everyone?”
s: “11:30, dude! but you can introduce yourself to everyone now if you want.”
i groggily introduce myself to everyone.
s: “jerry should be here soon, or you can just come back at 11:30.”
a: “ok. sorry i was late. i’ll be here on time next week, i swear.”
s: “what? you’re early. are you ok?”
a: “………what time is it?”
turns out that when i woke up from my NEVER-ENDING PACIFIC COOLER CAPRI SUN dream, i thought the clock read 11:50. no. i’m a dumbshit. it read 10:50. and i showed up a half hour early to class. and when susan threw up her arms and said, “11:30, dude!” like a frat boy douche, i thought she was telling me i was late. and when susan told me i could come back at 11:30, i… well, shit. i don’t know what i thought.
god, what an OUT OF CONTROL morning.
