thursday, jan. 13, 2011
hipster samuel with a bitchin’ mustache walked from out of his way, destination unknown, to the middle of the wells fargo parking lot to intercept me to ask me a quick question. he didn’t want to hold me up; he knew i probably had places to be, and i did (i was on my way to disneyland!!!). and so hipster samuel with a bitchin’ mustache asked, “what’s on the other side?” to which i hesitated before answering, for it caught me by surprise, and during my hesitation, he clarified, “i mean, what’s after death?” i told him it’s not something i concern myself with, for i live for the present moment and the present moment only. he shared a similar sentiment, yet he still burdened the conversation with curiosity. i told hipster samuel with a bitchin’ mustache that my body will probably decompose in the earth for hundreds to thousands of years and i’ll fail to exist in the same way i failed to exist before i was born. he asked me what i thought of that, and i told him, “it’s scary, but that’s the way it goes.” he acknowledged that it is indeed scary. hipster samuel with a bitchin’ mustache crafted the conversation in a peculiar manner, telling me i don’t need to be scared, because my soul and spirit only inhabit me, inhabit “alex” for the time being and when i die, like some sort of energy, they leave me to inhabit something else. and in the same way the buildings behind me were built by someone, who the fuck knows who it may have been, and in the same way the parking lot below us was paved by someone, who the fuck knows who it may have been, earth and mankind were created by someone. and the same dude who created us (“god”) gave us not 10 suggestions but 10 commandments to abide by, though no one does, so we are technically all sinners before him — hipster samuel with a bitchin’ mustache really enjoys women and weed, for example — leaving not one person any “better” than another since we are all doomed to hell (“pretty shitty, right?” samuel asks me). the great equalizer, per se. but this doesn’t make sense — why would he deliberately give us laws we cannot follow? — so he incarnated himself as our lord and savior jesus christ, immaculately conceived. and he blessed people and he healed people and he did as a roman would do and when he was crucified, he did not complain or show signs of affliction, bearing his punishment as he knew he would have to. and maybe i wasn’t paying good enough attention, but i guess getting his beard ripped from his face justifies man’s natural desire to rebel, to sin. hipster samuel with a bitchin’ mustache assured me god would present himself in fascinating ways if i sought him out, not in an arrogant or entitled manner, like blaming god for not finding a new job for me if i got fired, but if i prayed and made attempts to become closer with god, for if i did so, he would naturally become a more integral part of my life. and all the while, i observed hipster samuel with a bitchin’ mustache’s mannerisms to determine if he was under any sort of influence, but his eyes and smile shone too bright, his demeanor too poised for a wayward drunken preacher. and as i pondered the most impressively humble argument for faith in god i had ever heard in a bank parking lot — faith i have never placed in a higher establishment, or faith i may not currently possess whatsoever, though faith, especially in something greater than myself, can be very beautiful — i wondered if the promise of immortality, of debatable validity, is worth it.
i realized i still didn’t care. i like the threat of mental and physical apocalypse and the urgency and guilt it instills in me. and i would be fated to eternal boredom at the price of only some of my pain.
and that was that. hipster samuel with a bitchin’ mustache gave me a pamphlet and a hearty handshake, and bade me farewell. i probably won’t see that parking lot in the same way ever again.
Notes
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